Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize