I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
