I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
