I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
