First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
third nipple confirmed
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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