My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
