How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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