the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
