I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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