it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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