she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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