idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
