I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This is my gift to your gina
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
