hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
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eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
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That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We smell like vodka and hangover
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