i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
