my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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