it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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