You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
