When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
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We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
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I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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