Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize