I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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