You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
