It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
