Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
