I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
