White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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