I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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