Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
