You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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