the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
