Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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