Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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