I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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