she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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