Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
