she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
