My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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