hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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