the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
