i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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