I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
