i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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