I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
