New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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