This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
