Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
