It was confusing and full of hummus
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
