They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
