Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
