wrigley field is MILF paradise
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
