This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
