I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
