I'm lost and stupid without you.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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