Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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