i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
