I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
