I think I won the penis lottery.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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